So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
