We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
