You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
