Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
