I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
