He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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