i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
50% drunk capacity currently
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
