i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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