i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
