hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
