I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
