Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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