I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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