I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
