just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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