I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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