that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
