Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
