If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
