Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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