I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
