During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
