I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
