You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
