So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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