i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
