Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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