She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
