it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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