the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
