I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
