you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
