I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
