HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
