just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
