You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
