your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
