He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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