"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
