what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
