It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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