I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Randomize
