i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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