I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
