tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
