Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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