i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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