One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
