For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am naked and annoyed.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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