I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
