Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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